Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
