do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
