Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
