My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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