M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
