a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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