I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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