Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
