So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
