I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
