Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
