My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
