youre lurking in front of me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
