We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
