what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize