Already got asked if we're dating
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
