Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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