I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
