I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize