You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
