I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's shark week go big or go home
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
