he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
