I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
