the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
