I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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