if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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