I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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