Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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