The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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