please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
