Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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