You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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