Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
