i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
