so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
