i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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