I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I could fuck to npr.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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