The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
