bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
