dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
