Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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