Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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