drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need water and some morals
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
