she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
