I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
