i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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