You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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