There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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