his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
