Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want to make out with him forever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
