your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
