No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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