He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
