just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
