Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I am morally bankrupt
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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