i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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