i'm lost and i look like a hooker
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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