awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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