When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
