Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You took a bar mat shot.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
