Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
