Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
