1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
