i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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