My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
