Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Acid is not a monday night drug
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
