Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
