My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
