she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
